Restoration Faith Centre

I am come that they might have life, and that they might

have it more abundantly. John 10:10 KVJ

 

Suzie

I didn’t think I needed God. I grew up believing in him, I knew he was there, and if you’d have said to me “God loves you”, I would have agreed. Yeah, I know, I’ve heard all that before. But what use was that to me? I’m down here, dealing with my life, how is His ‘love’ going to sort out my issues?

I got dealt a lot of rejection in my life – I was the new kid at school many times and every time it happened I lost more and more self-esteem. I blamed myself for not being able to fit in, and I strove to become perfect to prevent the rejection happening again. I set impossible standards for myself, and was always feeling guilty. I was an over-achiever, very success driven and desperate for love and acceptance.

During School Cert. I fell out with a group of girls in my class and it was the final straw. About that time I started dieting and within a few months, I had full-blown anorexia, which became bulimia. I was sent to counselling, prescribed drugs, group therapy, but it all just made me worse. I started drinking, which led to drugs, I started dating, which led to sex – you know the pattern. I still carried on with my life, got a degree and travelled overseas, though in hindsight I was an emotional wreck.  

It was like I was only operating in about 10% of my real self. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I wanted to do so much but had no strength to do anything, no will power, no energy. Years of struggling to change my behaviour, to bully myself into being the person I knew deep down inside existed, had come to nothing. Some days I would throw up more times than I could keep count of.

I had had Bulimia for 5 years. I realised I was heading to an early grave, and I felt so horribly helpless.

Then one night after a really bad day, I was on my knees crying and I called out to God. I said I needed Him and if He really loved me He’d help me. I didn’t even think He could hear me, but afterwards I just felt so calm. The next day I got a job at a café where I met a guy who told me about his church. It sounded different to any other I’d heard of before. He mentioned that healings happened there and that was enough for me in my desperate state to latch on to and go hey, I’ll try it, anything, I’d tried Buddhist meditation, Yoga, homeopathy, tarot readings, just about every thing else.

I’d grown up in a religious family so I knew about God and Jesus and stuff – well, I thought I did. I knew absolutely nothing. All I knew was religion, which is a bunch of man-made rules which restrict you and tell you what you have to do to please God and be a ‘good’ person. I had rejected all of that at a young age as narrow minded and very boring. To me life was about trying everything, doing everything, having no restraints and no accountability. I just did whatever felt good. 

This place was different. There was no fancy altar and ornate cross. Just people. I knew something was different about these people. They were real.

The message the Pastor gave was real, it made sense, and something inside me just knew it was right. I didn’t like hearing some of it, I went away feeling like a pretty lousy person, but I knew there was something real there, something that could help me.  A week later I walked in there and I was so sure that Jesus was going to heal me that night. And during the meeting He did. The Holy Spirit fell on me and I began to cry, huge deep shaking tears and they went on and on and I knew it was all that sickness leaving me. I asked Him to take it all away, to cleanse me, to change me.  

It was such a little prayer but it’s totally changed my life. It’s been 10 months since then but I’m a different person now from that broken little girl who walked in that night.

My bulimia was cured instantly, and that was only the first of many miracles which I have received. I repented for the life I had lead, for the drugs and sex and lies and stealing and anger, and He forgave me and has washed away all the sin from my life. I didn’t realise that all the crazy and cool stuff I liked to do, all the ‘mad’ stuff that your friends get so impressed by, was killing me.

Sin kills you. It’s a slow death, but it’s like rot setting into your bones, into your mind, and into your spirit.

The further you go into rebellion, drugs, sex, heavy drinking, lying, adultery, pornography, stealing, rejecting God and playing with the darkness, the greater toll it takes on your life. You lose your personality and you lose your character. Ever wondered what happened to that cheerful, confident, honest kindergarten kid who used to be you? The truth is that beautiful child is still inside you, and it doesn’t matter how many layers of sin you have piled on top, the blood Jesus shed on that cross will strip every layer away. He will show you the child He created you and destined you to be.  

He is not a distant, angry God. I met a real Person that night, a Person who knew me and loved me more than I ever dreamed possible. And that the power of His love was the answer to my pain. His love is the answer to every single problem you are faced with. The greatest expression of that love He has for you, was to ask His son to leave Heaven and come to earth and to face the cross. When He died, He took upon himself every sickness, addiction, mental disorder, physical disease, grief and pain known to mankind. And He did it so you wouldn’t have to suffer through them. And finally, He took your place and died for the sins that you had committed, not Him, so you never would face the just penalty for your sins. All He asks is that you believe and accept the sacrifice he made on your behalf.  

I did nothing to deserve the miracle I got. There is nothing you can do to earn it. It is by the power of His love and His grace that we are adopted as His children and set free from the sin in our lives. For weeks after I was saved, I would be so startled by the happiness and peace in my heart, I would try and figure out what had just happened to make me feel like that. Had I just won lotto? Or got some great award?

Like many people, my life was so dependant on circumstances to keep me happy, and when they crumbled, I had no strength in myself to stay afloat.

But Jesus never changes, His love is unchanging, 100%, no strings attached LOVE. And you can know that love every day – tangible love, real love, like having the sun on your shoulders 24 hours a day. Even if you don’t know Him yet, He’s loved you with that love since the world began.

You are not a mistake, and there is a way out of your problems. Don’t wait until you’ve got your life in order to be ‘acceptable’ to God. He wants you now, just as you are. He will never reject you, He is crying out to show you His love and reveal the awesome plan He has for your life, if you will only take the step of faith and trust Him.  

He is real. There are so many untruths and lies out there, but only one truth will set you free. And He’s knocking on the door of your heart right now.

Jesus, your Saviour, your healer, your Lord.