Restoration Faith Centre

I am come that they might have life, and that they might

have it more abundantly. John 10:10 KVJ

 

Amy

 

I first became a Christian when I was nine. As a kid I went to Christian camps and also went to church with my parents. By the time I was 12 I left Jesus out of my life because I had my own agendas. I started to rebel sexually and with drugs and alcohol. I rebelled against everything I knew to be right and this carried on for another 9 or so years. I now realize that you can’t live your life like that for years and not pay any consequences. I had problems with my mind and emotions, and due to the lifestyle I led a lot of horrible things happened to me. I thought I had no way out. The problems and the hurts far exceeded anything I could do to escape, so I gave it my best shot by hardening up and using manipulation to get what I wanted.

When I was 18 my parents separated and straight away went into new relationships. They both left the area and I was alone in Wellington. It was very hard for me, as although I had not lived at home for years, I still knew my parents were there. In the months following my parents’ separation I found out many family secrets that bought so much pain and rejection. I coped by drinking and doing drugs. Throughout all the trauma of my teen years I still knew God was real but I didn’t’t know how to reach to Him for help. I felt guilty and burdened down.

When I was 19 going on 20 I lived with a couple of Christians. I watched their lives and the love they showed me and I wanted it. I went to church with them and I felt the power of God. I knew the intense church service I was in was God operating and this was what it was like to live for Jesus. I had seen so much religion and I hated it, what I was experiencing was pure Jesus.

At the time I was in a relationship with someone I had been with for about a year and a half and I didn’t’t have the freedom to get out. I knew I couldn’t live for Jesus and stay in that sexually permissive relationship so I put out of my mind, the best I could, what I had seen and experienced. In the next 6 months I was under major conviction. I couldn’t stop thinking about God, I was tormented because I knew what was right and I chose to live another way.

After 6 months our flat had split so I had no contact with Christians. I was so broken, my relationship was really bad and I needed supernatural help.

I rang my old Christian flat-mate and asked him to pray for me. I wanted to get right with God and I wanted to leave the relationship. He prayed for me, I thought it might take a while to do the things I needed to do but God didn’t want to see me any more emotionally abused.

The following night I was at a pub in town and saw everything differently to how I would normally. They were playing a song called 666 and the visuals were so disturbing to me, everybody looked like robots and there was such an evil presence. I felt really isolated from everyone there. I left the pub knowing I had to break up with my boyfriend, I knew I needed to do it soon while I could see how simple it was. The difference between good and evil were becoming so real to me.

When I woke up the next morning I made a decision to leave my boyfriend and get right with God. I asked God for strength because I had previously tried to end this relationship and had never been able to break free. I left that morning with God’s strength. He honoured the decision that I made from my heart and I have never had contact with that person since. I went to church on Sunday as I knew I had to go. I felt so vulnerable, I had no one anymore, all I had was Jesus. Again Jesus knew my heart. He showed up for me in such a powerful way. He put me on an operating table that day. I was a mess, so hardened by the world that I couldn’t communicate properly with people. I was tired and exhausted from my lifestyle, I was numb emotionally, but that day God started a work in me that is still going on now.

The girl I was three years ago seems like a stranger to me now. I look at photos of her and see the emptiness in her eyes and then see photos of her now and I see a totally supernaturally transformed girl. Since I became a Christian three years ago my life has changed so much. I have gone from glory to glory by God’s power and through His love He has broken me down to be a much softer person.

The last three years haven’t been all easy. I have had to face things I never had to face in the world. I had to face them to get free of them. God has been so gentle, one thing at a time showing me things I need to change. He does this because of how much He loves me. For the first two years I still socialized with my old friends and found them hard to break free from, as they had been my family and my support. I felt I couldn’t ignore them, I didn't’t want them to feel like I judged them. But Satan still had a hold on me through these people. I still struggled with alcohol and my living situation was not the best.

God met me where I was at and over a year ago God lifted me out my situation. This was my heart’s desire and has since He put me in a home instead of a flat with two other Christians who are such close sisters.

God is truly blessing us here. We have all matured in our relationship with Jesus so much, He is so real to me now. Jesus is my closest friend (closer than a brother). The presence of God in our home is so strong, I love coming home. I feel so settled for the first time in years, not wanting to run and change flats every three months. Previously I had wanted to go overseas and escape. I had to fight those thoughts because I knew that God wanted me here to build me up and clear all the junk out of me. He wanted to establish me. I now have a new dream, a dream that my Father gave me. I am living part of that dream - I’m in a loving home which I desired for years.

I want to see people in Wellington set free from their bondages and their religions. There is one other thing I want to share. Because of the hurts from my previous life I had a lot of unforgiveness in my heart. This trapped me.

God said He would forgive us of our sins if we forgive those who have sinned against us. One thing that has helped me to forgive is realizing that it wasn’t the people trying to hurt me, but Satan living in them. It’s not the people we should be angry at, but Satan. I still need to continually forgive these people, although the root of the unforgiveness is gone. I can’t let anything get back in my life because unforgiveness is such a division between us and God and I can’t stand being separated from Him. Unforgiveness only affects the person who hasn’t forgiven.  

Bitterness affects every bit of you, it eats you up. I know the freedom you find when you break free from it. I want to give God all the glory for what He has done in my life and what He is still doing. He has changed my mindset by a supernatural miracle. I now see myself as a virtuous woman of God who can help others with the power of God as a result of my own experiences. That other girl is dead and she no longer lives, as t is Christ who now lives in me.